The Truth
by carla-connor-corrie
Summary: Jacob Masters, are you jealous?
1. Chapter 1

_this is my first Casualty story so I hope it's okay  
_

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"Jacob Masters, are you jealous?"

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I knew it was late, it was late for about the third time this week. I knew I'd promised, I'd broken my promise for about the third time this week. But as I open the door, ever so slowly, I hope Jacob won't notice – maybe he'll be out with his friends, maybe he's just stayed at his. But he's sat there, on my sofa, our sofa, my sofa. His eyes are tired and the tele is on but his concentration isn't upon it. 

"Hey," My voice is quiet but he seems startled by it, as if he's not expecting me to return. 

"Busy?" He asks and I nod, I nod because busy doesn't cover it but I'm too tired to explain. I'm at the point where I don't think he'll believe me if I do explain. 

"Have you eaten?" I ask nervously as the silence falls upon us again, a silence that is no longer comfortable. 

"No, I was waiting for you," He tells me and I believe him because he always waits for me. 

"I'm not hungry so I'll just go up," I tell him and slip off my shoes, the shoes that have been supporting my tired feet all day. 

"Have you been with him?" Jacob suddenly asks and we both know who he's talking about but we don't say his name. 

"I've been with Grace," I tell him because it's the truth, I've been with Grace, catching up with everything I've missed and everything I'll never get back. 

"So you have been with him," Jacob presumes and he's right, I was with him in the hotel but with Grace. Only for Grace. 

"Yes," I tell him bluntly and he sighs, a sigh with emotion I've never seen from him before, "Is that a problem?" 

"You told me there's nothing between you." 

"And there isn't," More honesty is coming out of my mouth, me and Sam, Sam and me, it would never happen. 

"But it's almost midnight, wasn't Grace in bed hours ago?" Jacob is asking and I nod, I nod because it's true. Presumptions, I guess everyone is good at making them. 

"There was an RTC, I needed to go to work," I tell him and I'm getting bored now, bored of the same questions every time I'm late, "I'm clinical lead, I can't not be there if I'm needed." 

"Why didn't you call me?" He asks, he sounds almost disappointed. 

"I didn't need you," I say bluntly, more bluntly than I intended to. 

"That's what this all comes down to isn't it?" I look to him confused as the words come out of his mouth, "Connie, you don't need me, you've got Sam and Grace back." 

A sigh escapes my lips and I move from the bottom of the stair and sit next to Jacob, I sit slowly and carefully as if he'd break if I knocked him. Jacob was always strong, never had he shown his weak side, never had he needed reassurance. When he was shot, that was the only time. The only time he hadn't been the cocky nurse I know, the cocky nurse I love. 

"I have Grace back," I admit because it's true, "But Sam, Sam means nothing to me. He's Grace's father and that is all." 

"But Grace, surely she'd want you to be together," Jacob observes and I suppose he's right but Grace understands. As much as I know Grace hates the arguing and the separation and the distance, I know she understands. 

"Grace loves Emma, as does Sam," I say, and although it kills me to see Grace get on so well with another woman, it pleases me she has that guidance. 

"But Grace loves you more," Jacob tells me and I raise my eyebrow because despite spending more time with Grace I'm still unconvinced. 

"Grace is my little girl and if I have to spend time with Sam to see her then, well then that's just how it is," I tell him, "I'm not giving up my daughter because you're jealous." 

"I told you before, I don't get jealous," But as he tells me this I don't believe him, not for a second. 

"Jacob, I'm not going to lose you, that's just not going to happen," I tell him honestly, "I guess it's a change and I understand it's hard. I understand that but I need to spend time with my little girl. I need to spend time with her before she leaves." 

"Leaves?" Jacob asks, his naivety paining me slightly. 

"You don't think they're staying, do you?" I scoff and Jacob sighs then shakes his head, "They'll leave, when Sam's finished all these talks and Emma has recovered they'll be off, they'll leave with Grace. Again." 

"Oh Connie," Jacob sighs as I'm becoming upset. 

"I need to ask you again because I need Grace. I can't let us get in the way of my relationship with Grace," I tell Jacob and he nods slowly as if he understands what I'm saying. 

"Jacob Masters, are you jealous?" 

"Yes."

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 _I might carry this on so your reviews will be greatly appreciated xx_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for all of our lovely reviews, and also, I'm so sorry about how messy the tenses are in this chapter.  
_

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As the word comes out of his mouth air comes out of mine as if someone had punched me. I sit back into the sofa slowly as I comprehend what Jacob has just admitted. 

"Jacob, please," I say, my voice is full of tiredness, full of exhaustion in fact, "Please don't be like this." 

"I'm sorry C, I just, I just can't," Jacob admits and his eyes are fixed on the floor instead of on me. 

"You can't what?" I ask because I'm confused. Jacob rises slowly from his seat and begins to pace around, something which he knows annoys me. I don't mention it though, I just sit still. 

"It's hard because of who he is," He says, he's stopped pacing and is looking at me, our eyes meting for the first time this evening. 

"That shouldn't mean anything, Jacob, he's my ex. We had a kid, what do you expect me to do? Drop Grace because you've turned into the green eyed monster?" I ask as I'm becoming frustrated by Jacob's attitude. 

"You asked!" His voice is raising as he begins to pace again. 

"Jacob, you're being childish!" I'm shouting now, shouting more because I want him to stop pacing than anything else. 

"Childish?" He scoffs, "You're spending nights with your daughter in a hotel room then turning up at midnight. Do you think I'm stupid?" Jacob stops and he's standing in front of me and he feels tall, a lot taller than he usually does. 

"I went to work," I stress not for the first time since I've arrived home, "Are you that jealous you don't believe me?" 

"Why didn't you ring me then? Grace goes to bed at nine, does it take three hours to sort something at work?" 

"Well, Jacob, when there's been a massive RTC I could've been there all night. I chose to come home, to see you," I tell him, "I wish I'd just stayed now," I'm whispering because part of me doesn't want Jacob to hear the comment I'd just made. 

"So you prefer work to me?" He asks and I don't know what I'm supposed to say back. 

"When you're being like this, yes," I'm admitting it because it's true, at work I'm in charge. It's my department and I'm not used to being in a relationship like the one I'm in – I've truly met my match with Jacob. 

"Oh, I see how it is then," Jacob is nodding sarcastically, ironically, "Connie, you put work before everything else! It's as if nothing else matters!" 

"That's not true," the sigh escapes my lips, "I love you, but you're being ridiculous." 

"Oh, you love me?" Jacob's laughing and I'm looking to the floor sort of regretting the three words, but at the same time I don't regret them – not at all. 

"I'm sorry, that was the wrong time to say that," I tell him because it's the truth – I have to be truthful, "But I do Jacob, I love you." But as the words come out again Jacob is still laughing. 

"So you think that if you say I love you, it'll all be okay?" 

"No, not at all. I just want you to see-" 

"See what?" 

"If you stop interrupting I might be able to tell you!" My voice is raising again because he's frustrating me, "I want you to see that I can have you and Grace in my life and my work. I have to see Sam because of Grace but that doesn't mean there's anything else happening," I'm explaining it all so quickly and I take a massive breath in when I'm finished. 

"But you had a child together Connie, there's always going to be something between you" Jacob's eyes are fixated on the floor, my hand is patting the space next to me and Jacob is sitting, sitting so carefully beside me. 

"Look at me," our hands entwine on my lap and our eyes meet, tears in both pairs, "Me and Sam we had Grace but we were never really a couple, not properly. And yeah, there was a time I thought I loved him but that was over ten years ago. Jacob, I don't have any nice feelings for him, he's Grace's father and I can't change that. But, I love you. I love you." 

"I want you to be close to Grace and I'm sorry. You need to spend time with her before she leaves," Hearing Jacob say the words makes my eyes look down. 

"I don't want her to leave," the truth is leaving my lips again. 

"I know darling, I know. I'm sorry, I should be being more supportive not shouting at you. I'm not going to let Sam come in between us, I promise," His hand squeezes mine tighter and I rest my head on his shoulder. 

"Oh yeah," He suddenly says making me look up, "I love you too."

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 _Thank you for reading, please leave a review. I might change this to past tense from now on to make it easier._


	3. Chapter 3

_This is a short filler just to get up to the main storyline I have planned, I hope you enjoy it!_

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As I look into the lounge butterflies fly around my stomach at the sight of Grace sitting on my sofa in my house, our house. Her face is alight as she watches whatever it is that she's put on the tele and I feel warm. I feel warm because my little girl's home. She's home but she has to go back, go back in four days. Four, that's barley any time at all. 

My body jolts slightly at the sound of the front door shutting and two strong arms wrapping around my slender frame. 

"It's rude to stare," Jacob whispers into my ear before placing a gentle kiss on my temple. 

"I missed her," I tell him with a slight smile, "We should tell her about us," I say because it was the truth – we couldn't hide it forever. 

"You sure?" Jacob asks his voice still gentle, his arms still around me. 

"Well, how else are we supposed to explain why you've just walked into my house?" I ask and he smiles then gives me as slight squeeze before I walk into the lounge. 

"Grace Sweetie, can you just turn that off for a second?" Grace does as I say first time which brings a smile to my face, "I just need to tell you something." 

"Yeah, you and Jacob are together," She tells me so confidentially as if she knows she can't be wrong. 

"Wait, what? How did you know?" I ask shocked that she'd picked up so quickly what was going on. 

"Well I'm not stupid, I totally ship it," She smiles before pressing play on the tele again. 

"Is ship a good thing then?" I try to ask her but she just laughs and I can hear Jacob trying not to. 

"Yes sweet cheeks, ship is good," Jacob tells me before joining us on the sofa. And I smile, I smile because my little girl and the man I love sit with my content. But as I smile I remember, I remember it's not forever – it will never be forever. My body tenses and I know Jacob notices, his hand is on top of mine before he speaks. 

"Why don't we do something today? Just the three of us," He suggests and Grace immediately listens to him. 

"Could we go shopping?" She asks and Jacob chuckles. 

"Like mother like daughter," he comments which makes me smile. 

"I don't think Jacobs's too keen on shopping but we could do something else," I tell her and Grace looks thoughtful. 

"We could go for lunch," She suggests. 

"We could have a picnic," Jacob tells her and I raise my eyebrow. 

"It's February, not July," I tell him as if he doesn't know, "It'll be windy and muddy." 

"It'll be fine, bit of fresh air will be good for you," Jacob tells me but I'm unconvinced. 

"We could go for lunch in the shopping centre," I suggest giving Grace a wink, I receive a smile back which, yet again, warms my heart. 

"Always about the shopping," Jacob laughs and it's a happy laugh, his shoulder lightly barges mine and I look to him and see the happiness in his eyes. 

"Well, how often do I get a full day off?" I ask him, "How often is Grace here?" 

"Okay, okay," He surrenders and Grace laughs; a laugh I've missed more than I deemed possible.

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"J, what time is it?" I ask for the fifth time since we left the shopping centre. 

"Five minutes later than when you last asked," Jacob tells me with a sigh, "It'll be okay." 

I glance at Grace sat in the back, her headphones placed over her ears the faint sounds of Sia seeping out of them, "Jacob, Sam said five." 

"Well, you're her Mum," He points out and he's right but he's wrong. 

"I need to prove to him I can be responsible and he can trust me," I'm panicking, I'm panicking because I know Sam won't be impressed by me turning up almost an hour later than agreed. 

"Connie it'll be fine, Grace is fine and she's had a good day," Jacob soothes but it's not working. 

"You don't know Sam, he doesn't want me to be good at this whole parenting thing. He's waiting for me to fail." 

"You sure of that?" He asks, the way he asks all of his rhetorical questions and he makes me think. Think about being a Mum, think about Grace and Sam and Emma. 

"Grace darling," I say as we drive into the hotel car park, "You need to help with the bags, please." A sigh escapes Grace's lips as I tell her this but she doesn't refuse, she does as I ask for at least the fifth time today.

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Sam looks clearly unimpressed as he opens the door of room 819. 

"I'm so sorry," I say straight away stepping slightly into the room and placing the shopping bags onto the floor. 

"Connie I said five, I let you spend the day with her and you take advantage," Sam says and his voice his harsh which unsettles me. 

"I had a good day," Grace says sweetly and I smile at her. 

"I'm glad," I tell her because I am, it's the truth, "Look Sam, we left the shops a bit late and the traffic was so bad. I am sorry." 

"I knew I couldn't trust you to be responsible with her," Sam says and he's shaking his head as if I'm an inferior who's done wrong. 

"I'm her mother," I remind him but he doesn't seem to care. 

"You take her out with your new man, which will probably last till you get bored," I can sense Jacob gearing up and I place my hand on his arm because Sam's not worth it, "You spoil her and think you can win her around with money. Well, Connie, parenting doesn't work like that." 

"I just wanted to treat my daughter," I sigh because I know I'm not going to win this one. I look to Grace standing a few metres away from me and I can see tears in her eyes. I feel broken and a failure and undermined and that's the truth.

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 _I think I'm going to change the title of the story to 'Truth' as it seems to fit better, just so you don't wonder where this story has gone._


	4. Chapter 4

Silence is the overwhelming sound in the car as we're travelling home. Home, mine, ours. Silence is consuming us and it seems to be louder than a million voices ever could be. 

"Are you okay?" Jacob asks and the silence breaks and remains broken by the sound of a sigh escaping my lips. He knew it was a question he shouldn't ask but he always asked it anyway. 

"I'm fine," I'm lying and I know it's not healthy but I'm scared. And I can't think. I can't think about what's best for me, best for Grace, best for anyone. 

"Okay," Jacob sighs and I think, just for a moment, that he's going to stop talking and let us drive home in silence. I'm wrong. 

"You shouldn't let Sam talk to you like that, Grace is your daughter too." 

"Yes, I am aware of that," I snap at him and I don't mean to, "Look, let's just leave it." 

"Why should we?" Jacob asks and he gets me thinking, think about Grace and Sam and everything. 

"Just because," I sigh and pray inside my head that it'll be the end of the conversation. 

"Do you want Grace to stay?" I'm looking at Jacob with an expression of confusion, "Do you want Grace to stay in Holby?" 

"Yes, of course I do," I admit this because it's the truth, "But it's not that simple?" 

"Why isn't it?" Jacob asks immediately, almost as if he knew what my answer to his previous question was going to be. 

"Because her life is in America, with Sam and Emma," I tell him and I hate the way the sentence feels as it rolls off my tongue. 

"You could change that," Jacob tells me as I'm pulling into the drive. 

"I think the past will always haunt me when it comes to Grace," I tell him this because I know it's the truth.

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I work so much because it's a distraction and since Jacob that has changed. But, Grace, Grace has this hold on me and her presence and her love changes everything. Me and Jacob, it was everything I never thought I'd allow myself to have and he'd helped me. He helps me to unwind and to clock off at a reasonable time. But as I look at my watch and I'm reading 11am, I realise I've been in work almost sixteen hours and I don't care. When Jacob puts his head around my office door to tell me to go home I dismiss his care because, how can I let someone care for me when I don't care for myself? 

The paper work pile is shortening significantly and I'm blocking everything out, my head full of admin and nothing else. I guess work is my safe zone, I know I'm good at it and I know what to do. 

"Mum!" Grace's voice is full of excitement and relief and sadness and I don't know what to think. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask her as she's climbing on my lap and I don't mind that she's a bit heavier than I was expecting; I wrap my arms around her tightly kissing the top of her head. 

"We came to say goodbye," Sam is telling me so bluntly as if it's going to be easy. Easy to let go of Grace again after I've just realised how much she means to me. She's everything I didn't know I was looking for. 

"I couldn't see your car and I didn't think you'd be here," Grace admits and it's starting to make more sense, I now understand why she was so relieve when my name exited her mouth just moments before. 

"My car's out there darling, you must not have had your eyes open," I'm joking with her and she laughs even though the joke was terrible. 

"Right say goodbye then, Grace," Sam is telling her and I can see that he is growing inpatient. 

"Hey firecracker!" Jacob's voice isn't quiet as he enters my office with a coffee that he places on my desk and I smile at him gratefully. 

"We were just leaving," As I'm smiling at Jacob his face is dropping at Sam's comment. 

"So soon?" 

"Yes, Grace has school, I have work," I can tell Sam is going to go on then stops himself and I'm grateful for this. 

"Right be good, I love you" I'm telling Grace as I hug her tightly before allowing her to climb off my knee. She's walking back over to her Dad her shoulders drooped. 

"I'll miss you," She's telling me and it makes my chest hurt. 

"I'll visit – pinky promise," I'm smiling to mask my other emotions and I'm being untruthful but at this moment in time I don't care. 

"Hm," Sam is grunting, the sound he makes when he doesn't agree with something and Grace is looking at him confused, "If you say so," His comment angers me because I'm trying, I'm trying. 

"What?" Grace is asking and she's looking between me and her Dad and she looks upset, confused. 

"Your Mum won't come to see you," Sam is telling her and Jacob stops walking out and is now standing still beside me. 

"She will, she just promised," It melts my heart to hear Grace defending me but she shouldn't have to. 

"She doesn't keep promises," I'm shocked at how harsh Sam is being and I can see tears building in my little girl's eyes. 

"You're upsetting her," Jacob contributes and I step close to her, bending my knees slightly so I'm at her level. 

"You text me your school holiday dates and I'll be there," I'm telling her this because it's the truth. 

"Okay, I'll believe that when I see it," Sam doesn't stop making unnecessary comments and I go to fight back, I want to fight back but Grace stops me. Tears are falling down her cheeks from the sound of me and Sam arguing and her hand is on her chest. 

"Grace, sweetie, what's wrong?" I'm asking and I turn my full attention back to her. 

"I-I don't-" 

"Grace calm down," I'm telling her and I seem to me making it worse, "Jacob she can't breathe, Jacob do something."

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 _your reviews make me smile, thank you x_


	5. Chapter 5

_This is so short, I'm sorry_

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 **Grace's POV:**

The sound of Mum's voice is slowly becoming muffled but she sounds panicked and upset. I'm trying to say something but I can't, my chest is getting tighter as if it might collapse. Mum wants Jacob to help me and he's coming closer, guiding me to Mum's chair behind her desk. Her desk that's so neatly presented, the complete opposite to how I'm feeling.

My breath is quickening and the roof of my mouth is so dry. I could swear the walls are closing in on me as Jacob kneels in front of me. He doesn't touch me and I'm grateful because I feel like I might break if he does.

His voice is calming me, he's telling me to look at him and I have because his smile is warming and full of care. I'm holding the arms of the chair with all my strength, just so I can feel something from my surroundings and get rid of the pins and needles. But the stabbing, tingling sensation is becoming worse and starting to invade my feet. The panic is taking over my body, the panic that I'm not wanted, that I'm an inconvenience.

Jacob's telling me to look at him again because my gaze had drifted, my eyes are fixed on the floor were Mum had tried to throw something in the bin and missed. Jacob's breathing steadily and telling me to copy him, my arms are reaching for his, the pins and needles have subsided. And as I'm breathing with him my sense are returning, the room is looking bigger again. Mum is crouched next to him, tears brimming in her eyes and I feel a pang of guilt among the cloudiness.

Jacob's moving away and Mum is quickly in front of me, one of her hands placed on the chair for balance and one on top of mine.  
"Sweetheart, has this happened before?" She's asking me and I know she'll argue with Dad but I nod anyway. Dad's trying to look anywhere but at us but Mum's glare is fixed upon him.

"Okay, okay you're okay," Mum is telling me but I think she's speaking to herself more than she is to me, "Sam, we need to talk."

I don't want to panic again but I can feel it in my chest, I can feel it because I know Mum and Dad will argue about this and I know it will impact me.

"Con, I'll stay with her," Jacob is telling Mum and I'm desperate for her to take Jacob's offer.

"No, I need to be with her," I'm glad that Mum cares but the tension in the room is becoming higher by the second.

"You need to sort this, she'll be fine with me," Jacob's hand is gently soothing Mum's back as she places a kiss on the top of my head and gestures for Dad to stand outside.

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 **Connie's POV:**

"Why didn't you tell me?" I'm asking straight away without giving Sam a chance to explain. I know I sound angry and the attention of the ED has probably fell upon us but I don't care. 

"It's not world news," Sam is telling me, no emotion in his voice. This angers me further because he's acting like it's nothing, like it's an everyday occurrence. Why can't he see how serious this is? 

"How many times has it happened?" I'm growing impatient as Sam takes a while to answer my question, a question which he should know the answer to. 

"Once or twice maybe. I don't know Connie, I don't keep a tally!" His voice is raising and I'm confused as to why he's angry with me, as if this is my fault. 

"Oh once or twice, doesn't matter. Sam, this is important," I'm trying to get through to him but I don't think he understands. 

"Connie it's not a big deal, anxiety and stress is common." 

"Just because it's common doesn't make it less important. We need to get Grace help, support – we need to support her!" I'm trying to get a reaction out of Sam but I'm getting nowhere. 

"She'll be fine when she gets back home and into her routine," Sam's telling me but I'm unconvinced. 

"And what if she's not?"

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 _Please leave a review or any suggestions, your reviews make my day so thank you x_


	6. Chapter 6

_This is only short because revision is taking over my life_

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 **Grace's Point Of View:**

"Do you think Dad will be mad at me?" I'm asking Jacob because I'm scared. I know Mum will be having a go at him, I know it's my fault. 

"Not at all," Jacob is telling me and I believe him because I trust him. 

"Mum's going to be mad," I'm saying with a slight smile and Jacob is mirroring me. 

"I wouldn't want to be your Dad right now," Jacob is admitting and I don't blame him, I can occasionally see Mum's arm wafting around in the window of her office. The glimpses of her face I've caught display anger and disbelief. 

"Are you scared of her?" I'm asking Jacob even though I've asked before and he's laughing as he looks at her through the window. 

"No," His answer is so definite, "Look at her, how could you be scared when every time she gets angry it's just because she cares." 

I'm smiling now as I look to my Mum because I know Jacob's right, she cares about me, about work and about Jacob. She's still ranting then letting out a sigh before entering the office again. 

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" She's asking and I look more closely this time at her eyes and the care is so evident. 

"Better," I'm being honest as these words leave my mouth but at the same time I'm still scared. 

"Right, um say goodbye to Jacob then," Mum is saying and there's sadness in her voice and I'm scared because I don't want to go anymore. 

"We're still going?" I'm asking and I don't get the answer I'm looking for as Mum nods her head. 

"Where's Dad?" 

"Just gone to see Emma quickly, making sure all the plans are in place," Mum is explaining but I'm not processing it all because I all of a sudden don't want it to be true. 

"High five, Firecracker," Jacob's hand is in front of me but I don't want to high five him, I don't want to say goodbye. 

"Mum, I want to stay," I'm admitting because I can't hold it in anymore and a sigh is escaping her mouth as I say it. 

"Darling, you have to go back. I know it's hard but I'll facetime and message you every day," Mum is telling me and there are tears brimming in her eyes as she speaks. 

"But this is home and I-" 

"You ready?" I'm looking up and I can see Dad in the doorway, my coat slung over his arm. 

"Dad, I don't want to go," I'm telling him honestly and he's looking to Mum, an unimpressed look in his eyes. 

"Connie, what have you said?" 

"Mum didn't say anything, I want to stay Dad," I'm telling him again but he still doesn't seem to be listening. 

"That's not possible, you know it's not," Dad's voice is rising in volume as he speaks. 

"Why don't you stay at the hotel tonight, we can discuss this in the morning," Mum is smiling at me as she speaks and Dad is shaking his head. 

"Why don't you keep her tonight?" Dad is suggesting to Mum and she's smiling at the idea, "Then Grace can decide if this is what she really wants."

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 **Connie's Point Of View:**

"You were up there for ages, is Grace okay?" Jacob is asking as I return from putting Grace to bed. Not that she needed me to anymore, she asked and I couldn't say no. 

"We were just chatting," I'm telling him and I've sat myself beside him so his warmth is shared with me. 

"She was so upset earlier." 

"She seems better now," I'm saying this because it's the truth, she does seem better now the prospect of staying in Holby hasn't been completely written off, "How do you feel about Grace staying?" 

"It's not really my decision, Connie. I think it would be good for her though," Jacob is telling me as his arm wraps around me, my body naturally curling into his. 

"It's to do with you because well Grace would be living here and it would affect us," I'm explaining to him. 

"You have to do what's right for Grace," Jacob is saying and I know he's right but sometime I doubt whether I'm best for Grace. Would she be better off without me?

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 _Your reviews warm my heart, thank you x_


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